


Come Back Home

by rewrite_a_million_dreams



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Phillip Carlyle Needs a Hug, Worried P. T. Barnum, christmas angst? yes please, give me kicked puppy phillip or give me death, phillip deserves so much better and now hes finally getting a taste of it, this is so fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 23:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16820269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewrite_a_million_dreams/pseuds/rewrite_a_million_dreams
Summary: "Winter was never an easy time. Everything seemed dimmer, colder, darker. What was once a child's dream now seemed like a man's nightmare, with the holiday traffic, slippery ground, and the mood which was much too joyful goin arguably the worst season."Phillip Carlyle never liked Christmas. But maybe, just maybe, that could change with the help of his newfound family.





	Come Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> hey yall this is my first post here on ao3, I hope you all like this!! ive posted more over on @@rewrite-a-million-dreams on tumblr, hmu over there to request prompts

Winter was never an easy time. Everything seemed dimmer, colder, darker. What was once a child's dream now seemed like a man's nightmare, with the holiday traffic, slippery ground, and the mood which was much too joyful goin arguably the worst season.

Phillip had always hated snow. As a child, he had loved it- but, as with everything else he enjoys as a child, he had bad memories to go along with it. For one, he had never understood Christmas, or why it was such a big deal. Growing up, it had just been a bad day, stuck in a stuffy outfit and a smile that anyone could see through. His parents would be lovely with him when the guests were around. They would smile. Hug him. Say that they were proud of the young man their son was becoming. But as soon as the guests left, Phillip could expect to be scolded for being rude, or improper, or any other minute detail his parents had seen.

The beatings were always worse around the holidays. Maybe that was why he had hated the winter, and dreaded Christmas day.  
_______________________________________

This year was no exception. Phillip's day had started off fine, but on the walk to the circus grounds, he could feel the stares. They always got worse around the times when his mother and father would host some event, which everyone knew he would never be invited to. They would whisper. Point. He would act like he didn't see them, but it would hurt him like a blow to the chest. 

Especially now, as everyone in the city must have already heard that the Carlyle's disappointment of a son was invited to the family’s Christmas party.

When he walked into the tent, he glanced around, taking a sharp intake. He saw something bright through the corner of his eye, turning quickly at the sight of flames, but he soon took a deep breath as he saw the others huddled around it. He should have known better. Of course there would be a fire- the others were freezing. Lettie, W.D. and Anne sat in a row, watching Charles tell some lewd stories. A few more gathered behind them, Constantine, Jeremy, and Julius. Still, the fire made him practically jump out of his skin. He waved to them, giving a quick, pressed smile, before instantly walking away, heading quickly to the office.

Once inside, he shut the door, leaning with his back against it. He took a few deep breaths, before slowly opening his eyes, gulping when he saw Phineas in the corner, who was staring at him with a worried look. 

He gulped quickly and walked away from the door, looking around for a moment before taking off his hat and scarf, slipping his coat off as well. He barely acknowledged Phineas as the older man walked closer, stopping just a few feet away.

“Phillip? Are you alright?” He asked softly, and Phillip could hear the worry in his voice.

He hung his coat up with that hands, nodding. “Yes, I… I'm fine. Perfectly fine. How are you, Barnum?” He asked, but didn't look at him as he turned, moving to walk back to the door. 

Before he could get too far, Phineas grabbed his wrist. Though it was a very light and gentle grasp, it still made him jump, eyes wide as he took a deep breath and shook his head. Instantly, Phineas pulled his hand away.

Phillip was grateful. There were certain times when he couldn't stand to be touched. Phineas could always pick up on the signs.

Phineas let the silence settle before he spoke, running a hand through his own messy curls. “I heard about the invitation, Phillip.” He murmured softly, leaving it at that. 

Phillip only nodded, licking his lips as he glanced down. He smiled, letting out a sarcastic laugh. “It’s pathetic, isn't it? My own family feels forced to invite me to a family function,” He muttered, and rubbed the back of his neck.

Phineas sighed. Phillip had always had issues with his family, but Phineas had never had the extent of the knowledge. “Phillip, maybe you should try going. They might be trying to fix things--”

“Or he just wants his punching bag back.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He gulped, looking down with wide eyes, taking another deep breath. 

“...I'm sorry, what?” Phineas asked after a moment of silence, but quickly shook his head, taking a step forward. “Phillip, hey, it's alright…” He whispered, staying still as Phillip moved a step back. 

“I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't- I shouldn't have said that, I should go--” He muttered quickly, his breathing more rapid now. He made another step toward the door, before Phineas tapped on the desk three times to get his attention. 

“Phillip, at least take your coat and let me walk with you. We do not have to speak about this, but… I do not want you being alone right now.” 

Reluctantly, Phillip nodded.  
_______________________________________

He wasn't sure where they were walking, but being out was actually calming him for once. They made their way closer to the docks, and Phillip sniffled softly, looking around. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, biting his lip, before speaking. “I'm… sorry. I've never known how to… open up,” He said quietly, glancing down. “I know I should, but I just… I… I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess, Phineas,” Phillip stammered, and slowly looked back up at him.

Phineas frowned, and shook his head as he turned to face Phillip, who glanced away. He let out a soft sigh, before looking down. “...May I touch you?” He asked softly, waiting patiently. It took a few seconds, but Phillip nodded quickly, practically throwing himself against Phineas. He hated it, how one moment he could be shaking at just the mere thought of someone brushing his shoulder, yet at the same time, wanting to be held so badly that it hurt his chest.

Phineas was slow to touch Phillip, gently hugging back. He rubbed soft circles into Phillip's back, gulping, before pulling away, keeping a hand on his forearm. “Phillip, can you tell me what's wrong?”

It took him a minute, but Phillip slowly let the floodgates open. He told Phineas about the invitation and how he knew it was just so other rich snobs could laugh at him at the party. He told him about the last time he had spoken to his parents, about their disgust when he saw their son after the fire, telling him he looked exactly like the other “freaks” he spent his time with.

When he got to the desperate parts, he could barely say a sentence without stammering or stuttering. He was gripping Phineas's hand, and he wasn't sure exactly when it had happened, but they were sitting on the ground. The feeling of Phineas's thumb rubbing over his knuckles kept him grounded. Kept him calmer than he would have been. Kept him safe. 

When he finally finished recalling all of the horrible things he hated about the season, the horrible memories he had, he was extremely drained and tired. He remembered leaning against Phineas and closing his eyes, and that was the last thing he could remember before he slowly blinked his eyes open a few hours later. They were back in the office now. He slowly sat up and glanced around, gulping as he saw Phineas. He always looked so concentrated when he worked, but eventually he looked up, eyes softening as he saw Phillip was awake.

Phineas stood and crossed the room, sitting next to Phillip on the cot. He gently took his hand, lacing their fingers together when Phillip didn't jolt or pull away. “I'm so proud of you, Phillip,” He murmured, before looking down into his eyes. “Don't go to that party… You have a new family now. You have all of us here, and I think this Christmas is going to be special,” He murmured, a soft grin surfacing when Phillip nodded.  
_______________________________________

To Phillip's surprise, the rest of December went by without another incident. He had been happy for the first time in a long while. He stayed with Phineas a lot, helping him watch over the girls with Charity. He was surprised to learn that, despite splitting, they were still the best of friends, and even still lived together.

Phineas had made it official between him and Phillip on Christmas eve. They were having tea together in the office, just the two of them, when Phineas admitted his feelings for Phillip.. Phillip felt the exact same way. They sealed the deal with a kiss at midnight.

The troupe, Charity, and the girls were more than happy to find out that Phillip and Phineas were finally together. Phillip was happier than he had been in years with Phineas's arms wrapped around him, and their lips pressed together.

Through countless snowball fights with the troupe, mistletoe mishaps, cheesy gift exchanges, a party where everyone got plastered, and calm days where they would simply sit together and talk, Phillip knew that he had found his family again. Christmas wasn't bad at all that year. He still felt helpless during some certain days, but with Phineas there to stop him from drowning under the pressure of the memories, he was able to make newer ones, better ones, with his friends, his new family, and, of course, Phineas.


End file.
